Welcome to bethanylankin.com

The inventor of National Novel Writers Month suggests that participants start by composing a personal Magna Carta of things they don't want to read about in books, and a Magna Carta 2 (an evil twin of the first Magna Carta) about things they don't want to hear about in a novel. When your story starts dragging around week 2, you can make sure to steer it in the right direction

Magna Carta 1 is pretty straightforward (clever dialog, interesting characters...duh.) but Magna Carta 2 was far more interesting to create. After composing this I read some other NaNoWriMo participant's Magna Cartas. I think I got a little carried away, but here you are.

Some of you may read this list and decide I am going to hell.

Yes. On a plane. Coach Class. A window seat.

Yes, okay, I like the basement of the Alamo. Geesh.

Enjoy.

Magna Carta 2 - Evil Twin of Magna Carta 1

I don't want to hear about...

Main characters older than age 50 or so

Old people having sex with young people

The old west

Hundreds of years of oppression

How their tongues were engaged in a primitive mating dance

Characters that fidget or play with their hair when nervous

Aging jocks trying to relive their glory days

Sororities and Fraternities

Elderly people who are frisky or spry

War

Weeping soldiers

Road trips

The south

How great France is

People that follow all the rules

How the butler committed the murder

How the Ex-wife committed the murder

How everyone had a part in committing the murder

How everyone had a motive but no one actually committed the murder. As it turns out, Mr. Body died of a heart attack

Endlessly descriptive passages about the beauty of nature

The eating of spoiled or rotten food by unfortunate people

How hard it is to be a Lawyer, doctor, cop, or firemen

Stupid spouses

Good guys who always win

Beautiful, fairy tale weddings

Happily ever after

People in an iron lung. No one should be in an iron lung.

Female characters who’s only “fault” is that they are charmingly clumsy

Female characters that are perfect in every way but think their breasts are too small.

The Alamo

Cowboys

American Indians

When a person’s insides are spilled out onto the floor and their blood is used to write a message

Indigo Children

The wisdom of old people

Exotic objects such as the king of hearts, the cocoon of a gypsy moth, or small silver- wrapped chocolates, placed in an orifice of a corpse that function as a “calling cards”

Cops who catch the bank robber at the end of the book

The wonders of the mechanical age

Cheerful computer programmers

Christmas spirit

Holiday cheer

People who forgive too easily

Child-grooms

The rap music industry

Female characters who complain about being too skinny

Luddites

Baseball

Football

The dangers of pre-marital sex

How a jet engine really works

Characters who find people who can’t use chopsticks adorable

How you can beat the yakuza. You can’t. Don’t even try.

Complex dental problems

The statue of liberty

That music they play when anything Irish is mentioned

How sausage is made

Long, flowing raven hair with dark, emerald orbs for eyes

Hippies

When animals attack humans

Being buried alive

Dentist offices or operating theatres that are perfectly clean and sterile.

How hell is 100% evil

Rural settings

Farms

Characters that get their “come-uppance”

A group of totally incompatible women are “best friends” with each other.

Your shit